@adamhess1: I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
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@Prof_Peejay: Students, unfollow me now. Tonight's drunk subtweets might sting a little. Especially you Britney. Your lab report was a pile of dog shit.
@smarick: IF I HAD A NICKLE EVERY TIME A GOP OFFICIAL CALLED TRUMP'S BEHAVIOR "UNACCEPTABLE" BUT ACCEPTED HIM AS NOMINEE I COULD START A FAKE COLLEGE
@Bratch_Patch: "Friends are a dime a dozen." *pulls out a sack full of dimes* "Sweet, I'll take 32 dozen friends please."
@Cpin42: My son challenged my wife & I to a game of hide-and-seek. We took off for the weekend and left him some food. In your face, loser!