@adamhess1: I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
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@ObscureGent: If Michael Jackson wasn't buried in his Thriller outfit, who will teach the zombies to dance in the upcoming apocalypse.
@iGreenMonk: I failed my driver's test. The instructor asked me "What do you do at a red light? I said "I usually see what people are up to on twitter.
@djdarrellripley: Her: Did you know that there are fifteen different ways to say the word "whore" in Polish? Me: What a beautiful language...