@noduffers: I just called one ex a calculator and another a potential murder victim so if you're looking for metaphors, I'm probably the grapefruit.
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@truegritrumble: ME: *holding 6 puppies* YOU TOLD ME YOU WANTED TO ADOPT! SPOUSE: Children. I want to adopt CHILDREN. ME: *defensive* They are our children.
@KKAlThani: Relationship tip: every night text yourself "Good morning love!" & turn off your phone real quick to wake up with a good morning text.
@XplodingUnicorn: 6: Why are we at the vet? Me: So our pig can't have babies 6: How do you know she doesn't want babies? Me:*looks at my kids* Just a hunch
@MomOfTeen: He approaches me from behind and wraps his arms around me and I am breathless. With one firm and quick thrust, he dislodges my food.