@drunktweets81: I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
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@HeyHosey: Two animated gifs walked into a bar. Two animated gifs walked into a bar. Two animated gifs walked into a bar. Two animated gifs w[ESC]
@ElKnuckelhombre: My 7 yr. old thought it would be really funny to hold up a sign in the back window of the car that said "HELP ME!". It was not.
@animadvertguy: [Sky-diving] INSTRUCTOR: pull your shute! ME: my shoe? INSTRUCTOR: your parachute! ME: my pair of shoes? [later] CORONER: where's his shoes?
@msbtx: Son: What does "nihilism" mean? Me: "Everything is meaningless." Son: Wow ok nice attitude. Do you know what it means or not?