@drunktweets81: I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
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@david8hughes: Therapist: so your parents also suffered from depression? Me: no they both liked it
@KyleMcDowell86: I told my waiter the same thing i told my plastic surgeon. Give me chicken breasts.
@LeviathanPride: Kim Jong Un is 30, runs a dictatorship, executes ex-girlfriends, and openly threatens to annihilate the US. What am I doing with MY life?
@protolalia: My ex DM'd me to say I'm acting creepy then unfollowed me. Luckily, I have his password so I just refollowed myself and told him he's wrong.