@3sunzzz: I just checked Amazon again and they still don't sell fire-breathing dragons. I'm a Prime member, this is bullshit.
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@jctwritesstuff: Yeah, I know what my neighbors wear to bed. Not because I look in their windows; I just see them during the day at Walmart.
@WilliamAder: If you're getting serious about someone, check what number their toaster is set on, because that's what you're going to be living with.
@JessObsess: My husband won't let me pick up wood at Home Depot because he doesn't want it scratched or bent but I can take care of his children daily.
@joejwest: [jail] ME: I want my phone call COP: Ok. Make it count ME: [dials payphone] [cop's mobile rings] COP: Hello? ME: Please let me go