@flukyness: I just cut my hand on a box of band aids if you were wondering how I'm doing at life
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@dubiousgenius: HER: Where have you been? ME: Watching a WWF fight. HER: You mean WWE? *flashback to panda fighting an emu* ME: Eh, yeah.
@BigOlBossman: WAITER: soup or salad? CLARK KENT: *sweating nervously* just a REGULAR salad for a REGULAR guy please ha ha. nothing super about it...
@salamingia: I feel bad for airport security workers. I'm going to make their job easier today by not wearing underwear.