@stockejock: I just danced like no Juan was watching, but he totally was and he cut off the tequila then threw me out of his restaurant you guys.
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@DirtMcTurd: Just reported a car stolen because the people inside are black and the stick figures on the window were white
@BrianIncognito: I turned to her and said "We're all just seeking validation, aren't we?" She just ignored me, stamped my parking ticket, and handed it back.
@_troyjohnson: Ugly Duckling is my favorite story that teaches kids it's okay to look weird for a while as long as u get ur act together and become hot.
@iwearaonesie: girl at the bar: You're funny me *brings her over to meet my wife* Tell her what you said