@LuvPug: I just deleted the same tweet twice for two different typos and now I can't tweet it again because it's already been stolen
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@truegritrumble: (Spelling Bee) JUDGE: Your word is catastrophe. ME: Y. O. U. R. F. A. C. E. *all the mics in the room simultaneously drop to the floor*
@mydmac: I love eating Swiss pancakes. They're like regular pancakes but neutral, so I can eat as many as I want.
@singwithTaffy: I shall plucketh thine eyes from ye skull and make kebobs but with bendy straws instead of skewers cuz those are dangerous