@LuvPug: I just deleted the same tweet twice for two different typos and now I can't tweet it again because it's already been stolen
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@TheThryll: CAMPING TIP: If you get lost in the woods, a compass can help you get lost more north.
@dukelongboard: I crack my knuckles, turn to the cops and say "I got this" as I stroll toward the bank robbers and get shot in the face
@iamspacegirl: [after blowing out all the candles on my cake] him: Did you wish for world peace again? me: haha of course. *A WILD SQUIRTLE APPEARS*