@Nickadoo: "I just died in your arms" sounds much more romantic than "You're holding a dead body."
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@shopkins776: Always take one positive friend & one negative friend on road trips. Then if your battery dies, you can hook cables to them & start your car
@Ygrene: Me: I'm nervous about mingling at the party Wife: Just talk about stuff anyone can relate to [Party] Me: HI I UNDERSTAND YOU TOO ARE HUMAN
@TheTweetOfGod: Since yesterday was the National Day of Prayer, today must be the National Day of Disappointment.