@LurkAtHomeMom: I just don't get life insurance. Why would I want to give my family a financial incentive to kill me?
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@onelongbender: Everyone wants their kid to learn to walk until exactly 30 seconds after their kid learns to walk.
@david8hughes: [family game night] Me: do u understand now, grandma? U understand the rules now? Mum [tappin my shoulder]: she gets it. Loosen the headlock
@bea_ker: *amateur magician does tablecloth-pulling trick, knocking everything over* Cat in audience: Oh, this guy's good