@ShipInTheKnight: I just don't understand how moats ever went out of style.
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@patsajak: Told my dog I was feeding him only natural, holistic food. Not sure he could hear me over slurping of water from toilet.
@Ideal_Victoria: If anyone is living vicariously through me, you just bought yourself Flintstones chewable vitamins.
@ElgatoEsmio: [holding an acorn] “do you still love me?” Wife yells outside- "that’s not even the same squirrel as yesterday!” "Shaddup you!"
@GABBYdaAngSaya: Satan: And this is the TV room. Me: This isn't so bad. *turns on TV* *only thing showing is golf*