@QueefSandwich: I just farted & my dog looked at me like i asked her a calculus question
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@flashember: [Courtroom] Lawyer: It wasn't the fall that hurt you? "No sir, it was...THE GROUND!" *courtroom erupts* *handcuffs are thrown on the ground*
@AimeeHelene1: *thumb wrapped in giant bandage* CW: Oh my God, what happened? Me: Never challenge a hitchhiker to a thumb war.
@animaldrumss: You may have the last laugh now, but we'll continue this discussion later when Im alone in my car pretending to be a stupider version of you