@Pumpkinbabypie: I just feel like you shouldn't be using a selfie stick unless you're a T-Rex.
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@weismanjake: Strange that the people who make duck face in photos are the same ones who always refuse to eat bread
@MomOfTeen: For Mother's Day, I told my teens, I'm going to reenact every detail of each of your births.
@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Know why I stopped u? Scientist: No Cop: How much science u do tonite? Scientist: Just one-[test tube falls from coat] Cop: Get out