@Pumpkinbabypie: I just feel like you shouldn't be using a selfie stick unless you're a T-Rex.
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@pharmasean: [At maternity ward] Me: is this where babies are delivered Nurse: Yes Me: You ought to be ashamed. Babies need their livers
@TeaAndCopy: ME: I hate owls [Owl turns his head 180°] OWL: What? ME: Oh I didn't see you there OWL: Are you talking behind my back? ME: I'm…I'm not sure
@SuperTeeWhy: [A Dad about to give the birds & the bees talk] "Son, when-" *Watches son try to poke a Capri Sun for 35 minutes* "Know what, we're good"