@MrsMikePatton: I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
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@bafeldman: *jk rowling wakes up* what’s today’s tweet *spins large bingo cage* hagrid… is… pansexual and… he later joined isis
@qwajo_jnr: You know that moment when you close a cupboard and hear something fall? That's the sound of someone else's problem
@sixfootcandy: My neighborhood is having a meeting tonight about the crazy naked lady and I'm the only one not invited. Weird.