@Alex_N_Chains: I just felt a weird twitching somewhere inside me. I think it might be my liver waving a white flag.
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@LnL245: I secretly gave our Waffle House waitress a $100 tip and my family can't figure out why she's crying & hugging me & trying to get in our car
@JeannieG40: Relationship status: Sitting in Home Depot parking lot, car hood open, and asking men if they can jump me.
@Sean_Burgundy_: You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she organizes body parts in her freezer
@AIcohoIgames: Oh, you've already put up your Christmas tree? That's nothing. I'm already drunk for St. Patrick's Day.