@E_lok44: I just found a Cheerio in my sofa and we don't have any Cheerios in this house.
@sofarrsogud: GUY: *cuts me off in traffic
ME: *eating cereal* YOU SIR, SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED DRIVE A CAR!!
*angrily waves spoon
@jordan_stratton: Anytime I see a teacher sitting backwards in a chair, I'm like, "Oh damn. This guy is about to test the boundaries of traditional education"
@Book_Krazy: No thanks, toilets that flush.
@MonSwanson: I can't wait for my grandma to ask me repeatedly why I don't have a boyfriend "because I'm such a pretty girl".
I'm a psycho, grandma.
@hippocroteez: WANTED: Good looking girl to jog in front of me while I run. Can't be fast.