@CrissieC: I just found a half eaten hotdog inside of a Mr.Potatohead in the hamper. Living with a toddler is like living with a tiny hammered person.
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@Carmel_Coleman: Had a girl say "I want you to treat me like a virgin" So I sacrificed her to a tiki god and threw her in a volcano.
@jeffswarens: Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby.
@imskytrash: cop: could you please describe the man who tried to kill you me: yeah he was not nice