@wickedblondeone: I just found a quarter in the vending machine, if anyone is looking for a sugar mama.
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@notacroc: [date] Her: so you're a mathematician? Me: no actually I'm a *pythagorean doves fly out of my sleeve and hit her in the face* mathemagician
@VodkaThursday: There's a lot of mountains high enough to keep me away from you. You see that Everest mountain? Ain't no way I'm climbing that for you.
@GrowlyGrego: [doctor hands wife urn] Ma'am, I'm afraid your husband didn't make it. "Nooo!" she cries. Oh, he's fine. But he didn't make this lovely urn.