@kentgrossarth: I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend's bedroom. I can't believe she's a super hero.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@darinlovesbacon: Your honor I object! That other lawyer is saying stuff that makes my client look guilty
@KeetPotato: [biologists find beached whale] its a new species what can we call it? [surfer walks by] yo killer whale bro [biologists look at each other]
@davedittell: WIFE: Dave's here HUSBAND: Dave from work or Dave who always wears scarves? ME: [from downstairs] I got caught in the ceiling fan again!