@joeljeffrey: I just found out gorgonzola is a type of cheese, not a dinosaur. Needless to say, my gorgonzola salad was a huge let down.
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@TheCiscoKidder: The length of time toddlers stare at each other on the playground would get you stabbed if you did that shit as an adult.
@theDanLawler: Roses are red, except for all of the other colors of roses that have been in existence for thousands of years. Those are different colors.
@RocketRankoon: What if the Bad News Bears literally gave you bad news? Bear 1: You're adopted Bear 2: The cancer is terminal Bear 3: This tweet ain't funny
@KeetPotato: mailman: ahhh nothing quite like returning home from a long day delivering m- [gets attacked by his own dog]