@Book_Krazy: I just found out that all the different colors in Fruit Loops are the same flavor, and now I don't know what's real anymore
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@zachreinert03: Saw a sticker that said "my son was an honor student". I almost got sad, but then I thought maybe he's not dead, maybe he's just stupid now
@sixfootcandy: Me:*Gently nudges your arm* Would you like to be my Valentine? Doctor: Can we discuss this after your colonoscopy?
@markleggett: Go back in time and kill Hitler as a baby. He'd be so freaked out that a baby is trying to murder him, you'll have the element of surprise.