@13spencer: I just found out that "Birdman" has nothing to do with Hawkeye, and now I want to see it.
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@flashember: [Cop questioning suspected watermelon thief] COP: *squints* Was it you? GIRAFFE (who has watermelon-sized bulge halfway down his neck): Nope
@behindyourback: Dear Couples Who Fight In Public, stop trying to whisper and would it kill you to include some backstory.
@Mr_Kapowski: Lets not kid ourselves, if the zombie apocalypse broke out, there are a couple people we would swear were zombies so we could shoot them
@TheDailySchmuck: Damn, girl are you Twitter? Because I can't stop staring at you and saying stupid things.