@Swishergirl24: I just found out that the only thing you need to apply for a marriage license is your ID and an idiot.
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@AnkCoupleTO: [on the phone] Me: I can't make it in today Boss: That's the 3rd time this week M: *neck deep in Kit Kat wrappers* I have a problem
@roxaroodw: Apparently it's inappropriate to ask where her shoes are from when you're in the next stall.
@Lisabug74: Don't you love it when you're doing a nude selfie in a leather harness and you accidentally press answer on your mom's face time?
@TwoSapphiresBlu: Daughter: Why don't kids at school get my sarcastic humor? Me: Because they have boring parents, darling.