@fillthevacuum: I just found that there's such a thing as a cheese shop and now I'm changing my vacation plans.
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@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: What are you doing? ME: IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WIFE: You're giving the dog a manicure? ME: No, technically this is a pedicure.
@TheTweetOfGod: Sounds like @rickygervais is an arachnophobe, and you know what that means: Deep down inside, he's a spider.
@carlyme23: If you want her - tell her. If you need her - show her. If you yearn for her - touch her. Just make sure her husband's not at home.