@juliussharpe: I just gave my kid ice cream because she wouldn't stop crying. Sorry, whoever she winds up marrying.
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@girl_a_whirl: I like how this car asks me if it's safe to move in reverse. WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I WAS GETTING MARRIED???
@GavsonNZ: To the account who followed me while I slept and then unfollowed me before I woke. My apologies for taking a break. It won't happen again!
@platinum2000: I make out with a squirrel at a party one time, and now everyone is scared of me? That's just ridiculous, he was dead for at least 2 hours.
@mrace_ventura: "Did you do your homework?" "Did you grade my test?" "I have other student's tests to grade." "I have other teacher's homework to do."