@SamTR7: I just got an email offering "free bible verses". You know, because who can afford bible verses?
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@NicestHippo: "Bro she's a cold digger" [later with gf] Do you only want me for my germs? [she stops licking my face] Why would you ask that?
@DainWins: [Driving w/date in car] Date [turns radio to country] Me [reaches over date, opens passenger door] This isn't working. [Hits eject button]