@ibid78: I just got an eyelash in my eye and I'm yelling at it cuz it's supposed to prevent this shit from happening like, "YOU ONLY HAVE ONE JOB."
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@AristotlesNZ: Wife: Who let the boys out? Me: Woof woof woof! Her: Who let the boys out?! Me: Woof woof woof! Her: KIDS ARE IN THE STREET! Me: I'm going..
@BromanConsul: What idiot called it the Police/Fire Department Headquarters and not GUNS 'N HOSES?
@madswill_: TJ Maxx cashier: “Did you find everything you were looking for?” *Me unloading full cart* First of all, I wasn’t looking for any of this