@OhNoSheTwitnt: I just got asked to work on a "special project" which is boss for "This was assigned to me but you're smarter so here you do it."
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@InternetHippo: me: our president is dumb as hell, he’s always tweeting you: you’re always tweeting me: i’m…that’s different
@M_Hedberg: People think stage diving is dangerous, but not me. Because humans are made out of 95% water. So the audience is 5% away from being a pool.
@hellohappy_time: [me when I see a dog walking alone without a leash] exactly who is representing you my lad