@13spencer: I just got cut off by a bald man in a BMW, so I pulled up next to him, rolled down my window, and laughed at him.
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@KentWGraham: “I just ate a vegetarian meal” sounds so much healthier than “I just ate two full sleeves of Oreos.”
@QwertyJones3: Somebody spotted a coyote in my neighborhood a few days ago. But it's cool, cause I just started carrying an anvil around everywhere I go.
@Underchilde: Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
@FredPollack: I'm 72 minutes in trying to reverse whatever my 3 y/o nephew did in one second to the TV remote.