@13spencer: I just got cut off by a bald man in a BMW, so I pulled up next to him, rolled down my window, and laughed at him.
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@Jeffwni: [hears a voice in the sky] - Is it you? GOD?! [kneels] Voice: Could the idiot on platform 4 stop kneeling every time I make an announcement?
@MissScarlettK: I'm a pretty confident woman until I walk out of the grocery store & try to find where I parked.
@murrman5: can you start monday at 8? "yes, thank you for the opportunity" [calls new boss at his home on sunday night] hello? "am or pm?"
@TheSharona06: That guy who just spent 2 hours washing and waxing his sportscar looks like a douche. C'mon boys, you know what to do. - Birds, probably