@the_mom_dot_com: I just got laid. But don't worry, I was totally thinking about you guys the whole time.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@usermcuserface: Guy behind me in line at the gas station was standing close enough to reenact the pottery scene from ghost.
@smilely_gal: 5 missed calls from my mom. Frantically called her back, expecting tragedy; nope, wallets are on sale at Kohl's.
@TheMichaelRock: The best salesperson ever was the first woman to shave off her eyebrows and draw them back on, then convince a second woman to do it.