@NintenDom: I just got off the phone with God. He's pretty bummed out. Poor guy has a huge crush on an atheist, but she doesn't even know he exists.
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@E_lok44: [After date, walking her to her door] Her: Thanks. I would invite you in, but I don't want to.
@BawseLady: There's a book called "Why Women have sex" by Cindy Meston. The author also wrote"Why Men have sex" but I'm guessing thats just a pamphlet.
@SuicideBooth1: [fans out the deck] Pick a card, any card.. Memorize it.. [hits you in the face with a shovel] KING OF SPADES! [walks off]
@Shower4Thought: I wonder if a murderer has ever crossed my path, contemplated murdering me, and then thought "nah".