@jrogasm: I just got off the phone with my mother. She called 12 years ago.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SteveSuckington: If a shark attacks you, punch him in the nose. And if that doesn't work, use your severed arm to tickle his belly.
@shutupmikeginn: I have sloth-like reflexes "Don't you mean catlike reflexes?" [several hours later] No
@_Tempo11: Told my dog it's too cold to go for a walk and he just saw one from the window and now I'm a liar.
@CallMeDraper: Bath time without my phone: 10 minutes Bath time with my phone: 45 minutes 75 retweets 1 wrinkly baby