@jrogasm: I just got off the phone with my mother. She called 12 years ago.
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@Storminika: My boyfriend just sent me a txt: 'I think I want to see other people.' My reply was, 'You better look out the window.'
@WildeThingy: Teacher "Hi, why are you here?" Me "Um, isn't this the beginners' philosophy class?" Teacher "Yes and you're off to a really bad start."
@funnyordie: When it comes to Pope vs. Trump, do you take the side of the guy who wears that ridiculous thing on his head or the Pope?
@CelebrityChez: In retrospect, "so I guess we would all look the same if we were made into sausage" was probably weird small talk for a funeral.