@jrogasm: I just got off the phone with my mother. She called 12 years ago.
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@Lisabug74: One time I was really high and attempted to flush my foot down the toilet. There was no Twitter then, so I'm telling you now.
@EndhooS: Ostrich: OMG SOMEONE KILLED MY DAD PLS HELP HE'S BEEN DECAPI- ...wait 911: *sigh* did he have - Ostrich: he had his head in the sand again
@torrami: Nine months from now we'll have an adorable, pooping reminder of The Night the Internet Wasn't Working.
@Rollinintheseat: [High school reunion] Person: "Are you wearing the same clothes you wore on our last day of school?" Me: "You told me to never change."