@jrogasm: I just got off the phone with my mother. She called 12 years ago.
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@HALFniteStand: When a girl comes over for a date, I make sure I leave a hammer and measuring tape on the counter so she doesn't suspect that I watch Glee
@briangaar: Son, that bear is more afraid of you than you are of ... oh wow, that bear is being really brave right now.
@thetits: [Later, Snake sees a Lizard] Snake (to God): DUDE! Seriously?? *God and Lizard high-five, adding insult to injury*