@bfrosty04: I just got smiled at by a lovely cashier who has plenty of teeth, but clearly only brushes her favorites.
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@AGreaterMonster: My mom sent me a two paragraph email to inform me that she had called customer service and received $17 off her flight to see me.
@IAmKatieOrr: "Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today." Woman: "EXCUSE ME?!" [whispers]"Dear Diary, I think she can hear me."
@CulturedRuffian: I just want the confidence of my grandpa in church taking a call from the pharmacy on speaker phone to confirm his Viagra prescription.