@DivorceDad: I just got this twitter error: "The server understood your request but is refusing to fill it." Apparently, twitter thinks we're married.
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@TheMichaelRock: Coworker: What did you do on vacation? Me: Didn't come to work. Coworker: I know that! Me: Good. Glad you understand how vacations work.
@LazerPunch: I read that 83% of prison inmates are Christians...should I be concerned with my safety when I'm up in Heaven?
@caliluvgirl77: Boyfriend: you want to go see the new Star Wars? Me: I LOVE STAR WARS BF: which was your fav Me: duh, Sorcerer's Stone
@STitusR: Taking my dog out in below zero weather brings one thought to mind. I should have gotten a cat.