@DivorceDad: I just got this twitter error: "The server understood your request but is refusing to fill it." Apparently, twitter thinks we're married.
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@simoncholland: [Car dealership] Me: *taps glove box* How 'bout this one? Salesman: Sir, we've been over this, I don't know how many McNuggets it will hold.
@mochanya: Just watched a commercial...How is it possible that the side effect for asthma medication is shortness of breath?