@DivorceDad: I just got this twitter error: "The server understood your request but is refusing to fill it." Apparently, twitter thinks we're married.
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@casual_koala: My grandfather wanted to stay fit when he turned 60 so he decided to start running a mile a day. He's 65 now and we don't know where he is.
@fro_vo: Me: I'm bored Dad: hi bored I'm dad Me: I'm hungry Dad: hi hungry I'm dad Me: I'm here's 20 dollars Dad: hi here's 20 dollars Me: thanks dad
@badtweetist: *travels back in time to kill Hitler as a baby* *becomes known as time-traveling baby murderer & history's greatest monster*