@JediGigi: I just heard my roommate mixing some beats except I don't have a roommate and it was my cat throwing up.
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@peterjames48: "I don't have to outrun the bear! Just you!" Wrong. Bears are so sick of that joke, they skip the slow guy and eat the fast guy now.
@kelkulus: The Indian version of "How I Met Your Mother"is just a single episode called "I Met Her At Our Wedding".
@NotARatsAss: Make sure to stand in the middle of group photos. It will be harder to crop you out later.
@oxygenplug: [commercial for college] *person shoveling money into furnace* Narrator: Don't you wish there was a better way?