@JediGigi: I just heard my roommate mixing some beats except I don't have a roommate and it was my cat throwing up.
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@Donna_McCoy: The nice bed in my guest room says "Get comfortable." But the shower stall with no tub in the bath say "Not too comfortable."
@ThaJawn: Coworker *parks Prius Coworker 2 *locks bike up Me *bounces by on jumping exercise ball made of recycled tires* POSERS!
@notalogin: Please help me find my lost pet sloth. It was just right here and, oh, never mind, it's still right here.
@jakob_huber: Barista: I have a latte for *3 second long screeching noise* Velociraptor: Actually it's *4 second long screeching noise* but close enough