@LinajkReturns: I just hired a private investigator to find out what I do all day.
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@Crutnacker: BIDEN: That went well. OBAMA: Did you have to say you loved Trump's sons in Twilight? BIDEN: It's what I do.
@OneTrickTofani: *proposes to girlfriend, accidentally dropping the ring in the ocean* "I'll still marry you" No. I'm married to the sea now *dives in*
@Ygrene: [I go to Hell and everything appears to be virtually identical to Earth] “Well this isn’t so bad”, I say [I immediately notice that my voice sounds exactly like I do on a tape recorder]
@WineMummy: The scene from The Exorcist where she's tied to the bed cursing like a sailor, but it's me when getting a Brazilian.