@LinajkReturns: I just hired a private investigator to find out what I do all day.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@abhorrent_wife: Taught the 5yo to say "totes magotes" to annoy my husband who can't figure out why the kid keeps yelling, "COACH MY GOATS, DAD!" Nailed it.
@junejuly12: Whenever an automatic hand dryer doesn't turn on for me, I like to think my diet is really working.
@LoverOfComics94: Money doesn’t grow on trees. Your move, multinational agricultural biotechnology corporations.