@jimmy_sharpe: I just know my cause of death will be trying to scoot my office chair around as fast as possible.
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@MattShiney: "The top of my toliet seat is uncomfortable to sit on. I want it to feel like my living room floor" - inventor of carpet toliet seat covers
@CruisinSoozan: I don't want to alarm anyone but I've purchased a ukulele. Soon as I can jam, there'll be auditions for my band behind the 7-11. NO WEIRDOS
@david8hughes: [at the opera] Me: what's wrong with that guy Wife: shh! Me: but he's tiny, he can barely hold that violin Wife [whispers]: that's a cello
@Contwixt: Lately I go to the restroom at the movies, but forget where I'm seated then return & just begin a new life in a new seat with a new family.