@TheCatWhisprer: I just laid on my cat's keyboard while he was working on a last minute PowerPoint presentation.
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@Duke1173: They ordered two extra large pizzas at work. I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
@JElvisWeinstein: I know my computer doesn't have a virus because I've never had an 8-bit skull and crossbones pop up onscreen laughing.
@slimmy_shady: When I was having an affair with twins, people used to ask how I told them apart. Well, Sue had brown eyes and Steve had a moustache.
@GlennyRodge: Just tried a kids meal in McDonald's. Unfortunately, her dad chased me away before I got any of her chips.