@TheCatWhisprer: I just laid on my cat's keyboard while he was working on a last minute PowerPoint presentation.
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@TheReal_AndyMac: Someone once asked me if I was drunk. I said yes. That was the shortest job interview I've ever had.
@matt___nelson: 911: what's your emerg- ME: I'VE BEEN SHOT 911: ...why would you interrupt me like that?
@YesThatAmy: If I did the math right, 8 of you are serial killers and 1,246 of you are eating Nutella.