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@InternetEh: I just laughed so hard I have to go use a rescue inhaler now
@Spaziotwat: [On The Cross]
Jesus:"Father, forgive them, fore they know no-"
Voice from the crowd:"DO THE WINE TRICK"
@JohnLyonTweets: "I stalk people you've probably never heard of" -hipster stalker
@allisulli: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Don't get me started
@UncleDuke1969: I've got hoes in different area codes.
(I'm very careless with my gardening tools.)
@andylassner: In Japan, they are celebrating their position as the most educated country in the world.
Here in America it's National Cheeseburger Day.