@thomaskeamon: I just learned today that Cardi B's real name is belcalis almanzar. I said that shit out loud and my furniture started floating
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@ibid78: Dating tip: to impress your date, put a napkin on your lap. Along with your plate. And the table. And the waiter. You're now the restaurant.
@ImaFlyontheWall: Receptionist: So you're here about your carpal tunnel huh..fill out these 20 forms and press hard so the copies are clear