@thomaskeamon: I just learned today that Cardi B's real name is belcalis almanzar. I said that shit out loud and my furniture started floating
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@TheHyyyype: [first day as a bank teller] robber: *pointing gun* give me all your money me: wait, my money or the bank's money? robber: let’s start with yours me: ok *walks over to the next teller* i need to make a withdrawal
@Joydas: Half of Americans must be thinking Gaza Strip is the name of some Strip Club which Israel wants
@rzarosco: Ask a girl if she wants to dance. If she says yes then start shooting at her feet. Congratulations you are now Yosemite Sam
@ItsFunnyLife: Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You'll know what I mean.