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@1CleverGirl1: I just licked guacamole off my elbow.
@Scimommy: Who needs to watch the #SOTU when I can just read my TL? Here's what I've learned so far: John Boehner is still orange.
DOCTOR: "A-tisket a-tasket, you're gonna need a casket."
DR: "Your husband's knee surgery did not go well AT ALL."
@kuuuuuu: *When I see someone else jaywalk*
"What an idiot."
*When I jaywalk*
"I am a trained professional. Do not attempt this yourself."
@MasterOfFury: "Where was you at?"
I was probably not skipping English class.
@ManJuggs: The guy I’ve been paying to pick up poop in my backyard just realized that I don’t own any animals.