@mrtruthandsoul: I just lifted a couch to retrieve a Skittle that fell underneath it, so I get you Moms that lift cars to rescue children, I get you.
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@SteveSuckington: Do these jeans make me look fat? And don't cover your nose this time! -Pinocchio's girlfriend
@RobElliottComic: Say "Literally" and "Legit" a few more times in that sentence so I know it's literally legit
@NickBossRoss: "Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Actually I think it was when you hit me with your car-" "WE GOT AN ANGEL OVER HERE!"
@shkeeber: GOOD MORNING EVERYONE! DID YOU KNOW THAT FROSTED FLAKES DON'T TASTE HALF BAD WITH RED BULL INSTEAD OF MILK? I THINK I'LL RUN TO WORK TODAY!