@mrtruthandsoul: I just lifted a couch to retrieve a Skittle that fell underneath it, so I get you Moms that lift cars to rescue children, I get you.
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@PhilLaysheO: Write a suicide note on Facebook and they try to talk you out of it. Write a suicide note on Twitter and they correct your grammar.
@qwertying: Wife: What would you do if I died? Husband: I would go crazy Wife: Would you re-marry? Husband: Ah, not that crazy..
@ohpeetie: [ during job interview ] - "Why do you think you would make a good asset to our team?" - "I give up, why?"