@NicestHippo: "I just love making people laugh" - me, explaining why I do sex
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@realHamOnWry: Two men came to the door asking if I'd found Jesus. I had no idea he was missing and I suddenly got nervous thinking I might be a suspect.
@DillDoes: You can't spell "secret government conspiracies" without that 27th letter of the alphabet that they're hiding from us
@Sickayduh: "Oooh look! Is that a comet?" - Well, actually the airport is real close by "Oh ok. Good idea. I'll call them and ask"