@NicestHippo: "I just love making people laugh" - me, explaining why I do sex
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@Puncroaker: I think my wife is having an affair, for two years she claims to have been going to classes, yet still can't speak a word of Zumba.
@heidi420x: I haven't been drinking. I know what day it is. I didn't lose my pants. This might be my car. I know how to drive. -Lies I've told to cops.
@chrisdowning: Whenever someone is doing math in their head, I just squint and give a good thinking face, then agree with whatever answer they got.
@EndhooS: "Daddy, where do babies come from?" Show him Edna.. [mum stops slicing carrots] *starts violently gagging until a baby slides out her mouth*