@Chicken_Hawk38: I just made my Chiropractor's day by calling him Doctor in front of his mom.
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@CleoZevach3000: Did it bother anybody else that the guy from that "Operation" game was clearly wide awake?
@david8hughes: [sees kid crying at the mall] R u lost? [kid nods, wiping tears] Well [blows cigarette smoke in kids face] looks like u live at the mall now
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Waking up in 2016: [immediately makes coffee] Waking up in 2017: [immediately checks to see if WW3 has started]
@TheThomason: Before handing your wallet and wife's necklace over to that angry gunman, pause to consider how sweet it would be if your son became Batman.