@illTortuga: I just made way too much pasta, so if you haven't eaten dinner yet, swing by and watch me eat way too much pasta.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Bob_Heller: "May I have my surgery badge, Scout Master?" "Um, there's no such thing." "There was no such thing as a duck squirrel til now. Badge me!"
@InternetHippo: GOD: Peter, you will be heaven’s bouncer ST PETER: What the hell, I don’t want— ST BERNARD (whispering): Shut up or he’ll make you a dog
@sucittaM: You say "tomato", I say "flamingo". I also put goldfish in my armpits. My opinion should be ignored.
@ilovepie84: I play Nickelback real loud all day so crickets can listen to something annoying when they try to sleep