@illTortuga: I just made way too much pasta, so if you haven't eaten dinner yet, swing by and watch me eat way too much pasta.
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@RidiculousSheri: Love means never having to say you're sorry for accidentally bringing home six more cats.
@WheelTod: A key difference between keeping a cat & chimp as a pet, is a cat will eat your face off when you die. But chimps lack that kind of patience
@WarningPuzzle: *walks into bar with camera* Me: Can I take a shot of this glass? Bartender: Take a pitcher, it'll last longer
@Rollinintheseat: If we could harness the fake enthusiasm put towards wishing people a happy birthday on Facebook, we could power half the planet.