@marcusparkersol: I just misspelled a word so bad that auto correct blew milk out its nose.
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@SwedishCanary: Phones have become so expensive that if you fall and hear a cracking sound you pray that it was your leg.
@TheDairylandDon: No rule against wearing an old Halloween costume to Thanksgiving. Let your racist uncle talk presidential politics with Donkey from Shrek.
@UncleDuke1969: Me: What do you think of my tweets? Wife: They're all pretty terrible. Me: Don't you have ANYTHING positive to say? Wife: You're consistent.