@mandysparklerxo: I just noticed the light fixture in the bathroom is off center, so no, I won't be renewing my lease.
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@jwoodham: There's a 100% chance the Republicans will discuss Starbucks cups in a debate tonight, so remember that when they ask how they lost in 2016.
@LionJenkins: I imagine colonoscopies are accompanied by the theme music from the underground level of Super Mario Bros.
@sploosk: THERAPIST: what's the problem? WIFE: he objectifies women ME: [trying to stuff bread into her armpit] toaster