@mactx85: I just now realized the guy at the urinal that complemented my watch might not have actually just been looking at my watch.
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@skylerhanrath: If you want a medical degree, they're literally hanging on doctor's walls. Grab one.
@daemonic3: [watching 13 Reasons Why] WIFE: I can't believe she had 13 reasons for wanting to die ME: I know, crazy! Only 13 WIFE: What? ME: What?
@MarfSalvador: [Pulled over by cops] Murderer: I swear officer! There ain't nuthin in the trunk! Cop: SIR, PLEASE STEP DOWN FROM THE ELEPHANT