@mactx85: I just now realized the guy at the urinal that complemented my watch might not have actually just been looking at my watch.
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@TheTweetOfGod: .@rickygervais Ricky, if you can get Twitter to verify me, you will be the first atheist allowed into heaven.
@Lamalover2: Are you surprised at life in general or is that just the way you plucked your eyebrows?
@oxygenplug: *you see a bear approaching you* Quick play dead! *bears comes running up* Oh god! OH GOD! What's happening!? Wake up! WHO DID THIS TO YOU!?
@iRowlf: I like to think that when Homer Simpson suffers from erectile dysfunction, he chokes his wiener and yells "Why you little!!!!!"