@mactx85: I just now realized the guy at the urinal that complemented my watch might not have actually just been looking at my watch.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@LlamaInaTux: Turbulence is when the airplane hits someone's family photos backed up in the cloud.
@Brampersandon_: OCTOPUS: *places tentacle on Bible* JUDGE: Do u swear to tell the truth? O: Yes BAILIFF: *spends like 8 minutes trying to get Bible unstuck*
@sarcasticmommy4: I love the meaningful conversations I have with my son. “YOU BETTER DIE IN YOUR FORTNITE GAME BECAUSE DINNER IS READY IN 5 MINUTES!”
@Ristolable: I like telling people to "grow up" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say "Took my advice I see"