@DaddyJew: I just opened a Capri Sun in the dark, sup ladies
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@Phantasmagoriax: If I ever die, my phone better go with me or there will be some pissed off people at my funeral.
@lecalabara: Wife: I finally caught you. I could hear it from the other room. You were watching a dirty movie. Me: No. Its just womens tennis.
@TheSharona06: For people who say "nothing is impossible", that's crazy. I've been successfully doing nothing for several years now.