@NurseMurderer: I just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheNardvark: I would describe the cologne on the guy who was just in the elevator with me as "all of it."
@ImaFlyontheWall: Fun Prank: When someone wakes from a coma, have everyone dressed in medieval clothes and welcome them back from "The Sleeping Disease"
@FilthyRichmond: I got tired of our restroom smelling like other people's crap so I placed a chunk of mine behind the hot air vent.