@thatdutchperson: I just ordered a set of dumbbells, so that'll be a fun new thing to trip over while I search for the remote.
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@UncleDuke1969: *wakes up at the crack of Dawn* *instantly regrets drunk dialing Dawn last night*
@markleggett: ACTORS: It's easy to appear blind. Look near but never at someone when you talk to them, and if anyone says "Did you see that?" say "Nope".
@Just_Beachy72: Answers phone breathlessly Friend: Sorry!! Didn't know you had company Me: I was washing floors F: Oh...is that the new code? Me: No...
@_mindflakes: Did you know that 1 in 5 people are fruit bats? Look at 4 of your friends. If none of them are fruit bats, it's you. You're a fruit bat.