@thatdutchperson: I just ordered a set of dumbbells, so that'll be a fun new thing to trip over while I search for the remote.
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@CornOnTheGoblin: [raises hand] is it ok to drink the bath water if you've only been in it for a few minutes [my health teacher opens the drawer he hides his scotch in]
@murrman5: *opens fortune cookie* there's rice on your face *grabs wifes and opens it* still there *grabs one from next table* I can do this all night
@1CleverGirl1: *puts on pickle costume* *gets stuck in pickle costume* *calls friend* Could you please help me? I've gotten my myself into a pickle.
@leannuh_renay: *first date* Her: I’m a criminologist. Me, trying to impress: I have six bodies in my attic.